The First Days
Understanding the initial shock of loss and what your mind is doing to protect you
If you're reading this in the early days of a loss, we want you to know something first: there is no wrong way to grieve. Whatever you're feeling right now—numb, overwhelmed, strangely fine, falling apart—is exactly right for where you are.
What's happening in your brain
In the immediate aftermath of loss, your brain activates a protective response. Psychologists call it "psychic numbing." It's the reason you might feel foggy, disconnected, or like you're watching your life through a window. This isn't weakness. It's your mind giving you only as much reality as you can handle at one time.
You might find yourself forgetting things. You might laugh at something and then feel guilty. You might feel exhausted despite doing nothing. All of this is normal. Your brain is doing an enormous amount of processing beneath the surface, even when it doesn't feel like it.
The myth of "being strong"
People around you may tell you to "be strong" or "stay positive." They mean well. But grief doesn't require strength—it requires honesty. The bravest thing you can do right now is let yourself feel whatever comes, without judgment. Crying isn't weakness. Anger isn't wrong. And needing help isn't failure.
Try This
Set a timer for five minutes. Sit somewhere comfortable. Place one hand on your chest and one on your stomach. Breathe slowly and just notice what's there. You don't have to fix anything. You don't have to feel better. Just notice. Name what you feel if you can: "I feel heavy." "I feel scared." "I feel nothing right now." Whatever it is, let it be true.
You don't have to figure out grief today. You just have to get through today. And you're already doing that. One breath at a time.